Muslim Contributions to America and the World

by Glenn Fairman  8/1/14

I have been waiting intently for that catalogue of much vaunted accomplishments which Islam has bequeathed both to America and the world — benefits that have been chirped about ad nauseum by Barack Obama for years. But since this promise, like all his other promises have been left dangling, I have decided to compile my own list for you and take the pressure off his wearied brow. I assure you that this list is far less than exhaustive:

1. Hummus. I hate Hummus.
2. Design modifications to the Twin Towers.
3. Increased incidences of interspecies STDs between Camels, Goats, and Humans.
4. Significantly increased congenital defects from first cousin marriage.
5. Did I say Hummus? I really do hate Hummus.
6. Fear and anger.
7. Lowered prices for goat meat during End of Ramadan sales.
8. Haggling.
9. God ordained dhimmitude and pederasty.
10. Cities that celebrate the odor of feces.
11. God ordained ass-beatings for women and a pass to legitimately murder those female family members that bruise your pride.
12. Body odor as an erotic art form.
13. Increased U.S. pork sales and munitions.
14. Global war and strife.
15. Boko Haram, Hamas, Hezbollah, Islami Jihad, Twelvers, The Muslim Brotherhood, The Taliban, Yasser Arafat, Iran, Iraq, The Ayatollah Khomeini, Palestinians, Casey Kasem.
16. Astronomical petroleum prices for what amounts to dead dinosaurs.
17. The religion of peace.
18. Refinement in the technology of human shields.
19. The Death Penalty mandated for matters of conscience.
20. Refinements in the fields of anti-Semitism, religious hypocrisy, and child care.
21. Did I neglect Hummus? It really makes me gag…….
22. Barack Hussein Obama.
__________________________________________________
Glenn Fairman writes from Highland, Ca. He can be reached at arete5000@dslextreme.com.


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7 Responses to Muslim Contributions to America and the World

  1. Timothy Lane says:

    That seems a pretty comprehensive list. I think we could add that increasing Muslim populations are very good for those who sell stones. Perhaps we could come up with a Muslim version of “The Lottery”. And Sharia law will certainly give liberal activists who complain of “homophobia” and a “war on women” something real to complain about it — when they actually have to face the reality. And have I mentioned better employment opportunities for woman-mutilators?

  2. Wonderful list! Bravo! Lately I’ve run across a couple of different references blaming the Muslims for the Dark Ages — they made a great case for that. So you could add one to the list. And we might as well throw in the Crusades while we’re at it.

  3. Maesy says:

    -The opportunity to strip in public places such as airports and even have it on film / camera whilst adopting some gymnastics manoevers, rights that were sadly taken from us from performing at traditional sporting events.
    -Shares in pick up trucks, though credit must also go to the UN, whoops, my mistake, same thing.

    • Timothy Lane says:

      Good point, though I must say that we avoid air travel precisely because we figure that 2 such innocuous people are bound to be searched rigorously so that the TSA (apparently hired from former Abu Ghraib guards) won’t be called racist.

  4. Timothy Lane says:

    Fox News just had a general explain that the US has previously faced murderous thugs like ISIS — the Nazis. He noted that you have to use force. The problem isthat we were willing to go all-out against the Nazis (carpet-bombing their cities with little or no concern for civilian casualties), and we’re reluctant to do anything like that to the jihadists (or anyone else). As the scapegrace nephew suggested at the end of The Haunting, they should obliterate ISIL’s cities and sow the ground with salt.

  5. Misanthropette says:

    I humbly submit to the list:

    23. Hijab as the ultimate “bad hair day” solution.
    24. Burqua as a novel way to keep your Oscar de la Renta from getting dusty out on the camel trail.

    oh, and did I mention:

    25. Because art representing the deity is so difficult to master, there’s the redundant flowering vine pattern.

    • Timothy Lane says:

      And while you’re mentioning 23 and 24, note too that Sharia law gets rid of the problem of false accusations of sexual crimes (as well as truthful ones, but you can’t have everything).

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