by Glenn Fairman 8/1/14
I have been waiting intently for that catalogue of much vaunted accomplishments which Islam has bequeathed both to America and the world — benefits that have been chirped about ad nauseum by Barack Obama for years. But since this promise, like all his other promises have been left dangling, I have decided to compile my own list for you and take the pressure off his wearied brow. I assure you that this list is far less than exhaustive:
1. Hummus. I hate Hummus.
2. Design modifications to the Twin Towers.
3. Increased incidences of interspecies STDs between Camels, Goats, and Humans.
4. Significantly increased congenital defects from first cousin marriage.
5. Did I say Hummus? I really do hate Hummus.
6. Fear and anger.
7. Lowered prices for goat meat during End of Ramadan sales.
9. God ordained dhimmitude and pederasty.
10. Cities that celebrate the odor of feces.
11. God ordained ass-beatings for women and a pass to legitimately murder those female family members that bruise your pride.
12. Body odor as an erotic art form.
13. Increased U.S. pork sales and munitions.
14. Global war and strife.
15. Boko Haram, Hamas, Hezbollah, Islami Jihad, Twelvers, The Muslim Brotherhood, The Taliban, Yasser Arafat, Iran, Iraq, The Ayatollah Khomeini, Palestinians, Casey Kasem.
16. Astronomical petroleum prices for what amounts to dead dinosaurs.
17. The religion of peace.
18. Refinement in the technology of human shields.
19. The Death Penalty mandated for matters of conscience.
20. Refinements in the fields of anti-Semitism, religious hypocrisy, and child care.
21. Did I neglect Hummus? It really makes me gag…….
22. Barack Hussein Obama.
Glenn Fairman writes from Highland, Ca. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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