by James Ray Deaton 3/1/15
When is a tax not really a tax? When it’s really only a revenue enhancement.
When is a war not a war? When it’s an overseas contingency operation.
When is following the lead of other countries not really following the lead of other countries? When you are leading from behind.
When are on-going airstrikes not airstrikes? When they are reported to be sustained military actions.
When is vaporizing a suspected terrorist not actually an act of war? When it’s a limited pinpoint drone mission.
When is terrorism not terrorism? When it’s really just a man-caused disaster.
What is a terrorist network? A coordinated association of Lone Wolves.
When is terrorist murder not terrorist murder? When it’s only workplace violence.
When is a Muslim terrorist not a Muslim terrorist? When the President rebrands him a violent extremist.
When is a lie not a lie? When it’s described as only a misstatement of fact.
When are higher tax rates not really higher tax rates? When they are really only more shared sacrifices.
What are you paying when your taxes, fees and assessments go up year after year? Your fair share.
What is a monthly price increase of 50 cents per gallon of gasoline called? It’s just a necessary and expected cost adjustment.
When is an Obamacare penalty not an Obamacare penalty? When the IRS calls it an individual responsibility payment.
When is a death tax not actually a death tax? When it’s really just an inheritance levy.
What do you call people who make more than $200,000 per year? Fat Cats.
When is a new law not actually a new law? When it’s only an administrative regulation.
When is a government dispensation not a dispensation? When you call it an administrative waiver.
When is a government mandate not a government mandate? When it’s really only an enforced recommendation.
What do you call those who speak truth to power to Republican Presidents? The Fourth Estate.
What do you call the person who speaks truth to power to Democrat Presidents? Emmanuel Goldstein.
What is a 3% growth rate coupled with a 4.5% unemployment rate under a Republican administration? A Jobless Recovery.
What is a 2% growth rate and a 9% unemployment rate under a Democrat administration? The Summer of Recovery.
When is government spending not really government spending? When it is called investment in our communities.
What is it called when a Republican politician lies about and withholds facts about a government scandal? Stonewalling.
What is it called when a Democrat politician lies about and withholds facts about a government scandal? Savvy politics.
When is federally controlled government healthcare not actually federally controlled government healthcare? When it is called the Single-Payer Healthcare Option.
When is government control of the Internet not really government control of the Internet? When it’s called Net Neutrality.
When is government control of radio and television content not really government control of radio and television content? When it’s called the Fairness Doctrine.
When is pumping millions of newly created dollars into the stock market not actually pumping millions of newly created dollars into the stock market? When you give it the policy name of Quantitative Easing.
When is socialism not socialism? When it’s really just a government plan to spread the wealth around.
When is a failed liberal not a failed liberal? When he has recast himself as a Progressive.
What are you guilty of when you lie and obfuscate about the costs and
impacts of a government proposal? Fuzzy thinking.
What is it when you tell public lies about your past? That’s only a misremembering of fact.
When is a birth certificate not actually a birth certificate? When it is actually a certificate of live birth.
When is a stupid man not really a stupid man? When he is so smart and perceptive that he has been bored to death his whole life.
What is the date of Emancipation Proclamation 2.0? January 20, 2017.
James Ray Deaton lives euphemistically in Berkeley, Calif.
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