Bring Back the “Bastard”

by Glenn Fairman  8/22/14

Sure, in order to help alleviate gang life and adolescent crime, we need to reacquaint ourselves with the old fashioned concept of a man in the home. But the mere presence of “Y” chromosomes sitting in front of the Big Screen does not guarantee success — It is only a male presence of a certain pedigree that is conducive to “man training.”

Having a thug laying up in the house will only ensure that junior inculcates his pathologies quicker and more fully. In truth, having a righteous man in his children’s lives is the key. But this will never occur as long as women – who are the gatekeepers of civility– get “weak in the knees” when a “long cool drink of water” offers his attentions in a carnal fashion. Ye have heard that it taketh two to thus tango; but unless rape is occurring on a scale grander then being reported by Vanity Fair, then women – and not just minority women, are consenting to illegitimacy and single motherhood in astounding numbers — and effectively shooting themselves in the cervix.

Ultimately, women will be the ones to rescue civilization: not only by making sure that their children are being raised by a Godly father, but by bringing back the stigma of the bastard child. That arcane epithet must once again raise eyebrows—— both in the grim slums of Gary, Indiana — and in the swanky salons of Beverly Hills.
Glenn Fairman writes from Highland, Ca. He can be reached at

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7 Responses to Bring Back the “Bastard”

  1. Glenn Fairman says:

    Brad—scratch the word “will” in the 2nd line from the bottom….

    • Brad Nelson Brad Nelson says:

      Will do. Err….that is, it has been done.

      Speaking of philosophical thoughts that can hit you like a bug hitting a windshield, I was reading “Signature in the Cell” this morning, which treads rather heavily, if understandably, into information theory, and I suddenly thought: Text messaging is the pornography of information.

      Facebook tends to fit the category as well. And whether this fits the category of one of those amazingly super ideas we often achieve in a semi-awake state (and that later prove to be totally bland in the full light of day), I’ll leave up to you.

  2. Timothy Lane says:

    Stigmatize the woman (and the man if his identity is known), but not the child. That’s unfair, and occasionally risky. (Ann Rule has suggested that the discovery of his illegitimate birth is what initially set off Ted Bundy’s murderous inclinations.)

    • Brad Nelson Brad Nelson says:

      That’s a very weak argument, Timothy, since stigmatizing the mothers or fathers would have the same effect as stigmatizing the bastard child.

      It’s sort of an all-or-nothing proposition. Either we acknowledge the costs of making bastardy socially acceptable or we don’t. It’s no use saying that there are costs involved in stigmatizing bastardy. The point is, Which is the greater harm, accepting bastardy or making is socially unacceptable?

      We are seeing the results of a society that not only does not stigmatize bastardy but praises single motherhood as some kind of commendable thing. There are definite social costs to this – including especially to the bastard children (read any one of Theodore Dalrymple’s books), whether we stigmatize them as bastards or not.

      A good argument could be made that stigmatizing bastardy would be best for all involved and that not doing so is just playing into the same-old same-old liberal theme that we do not have to make choices and everything can be sunshine and rainbows just because we declare it so.

      A not-so-good argument is claiming that finding out he was a bastard is what caused Ted Bundy. That seems a specious bit of reasoning.

      • Timothy Lane says:

        I will admit the Bundy argument is speculative, based on an unsolved murder in the Vermont town where he had been born at approximately the time (his movements are uncertain) that he learned he was a bastard child. And the most immediate “cause” of his later rampage was undoubtedly being turned down by his girlfriend (Bundy’s victims consistently resembled her) because she had doubts about his future.

        On the other hand, blaming the illegitimate child for the sins of the parents is akin to aborting the children of rape. There are plenty of reasons to denounce Barackula, but the fact that his parents were never legally married isn’t one of them.

    • Kung Fu Zu Kung Fu Zu says:

      I am not sure how one stigmatizes the parents but not the child. Of course, the woman could put the child up for adoption and that would be one thing. But if the child stays with the unmarried mother then a certain amount of shame will attach itself to the child.

      Of course, the thought of subjecting a child to such shame could also influence an unmarried woman to think twice before bringing that child into the world. Maybe it might even make her think about being more careful about sex outside of marriage. Maybe.

  3. Glenn Fairman says:

    No two ways about it, the process of setting things aright will induce great pain, and it will take many forms. All reasonable people will understand that the child is the pawn in this situation, while the onus is on the parents. A society that lacks the will to administer praise and blame is ultimately one that is morally emaciated. If such a judgment is unkind, think of the ripples of pain and hardship that arise when evil and good are indistinguishable. For too long, scofflaw parents have used their young as hostages to extract treasure from the idiot state—and in doing so, upending the rhythm of nature—–effectively rendering the child financially responsible for the sustenance of the parent in that cold hard crime of extorting the public weal. Subsiding good behaviors with praise and discounting bad actions must be inextricably tied to the most natural of human institutions, and while scorn and the bitter lesson of the withheld nipple may seem cruel in the short term, any dog knows that reward and punishment are the stepping stones to a modicum of happiness in a unforgiving life moderated by laws–even unseen ones that fall down like lightning on the careless.

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